A Chance Encounter, A Lifetime of Cherishing Saint Mary’s
By TESS HAYES ’25
Becky Radwan Updegraff’s Saint Mary’s story is something out of a movie.
The 1991 grad and her husband Colonel Jay Updegraff reside in St. Augustine Florida, with their spaniel, Scarlett. Together, they have two grown children: their son Daniel in Atlanta, Georgia and daughter Catherine in Gulfport, Mississippi. Becky uses her skills acquired from a career in sales, merchandising, and sales training to manage the household and a small online fine jewelry business. Jay spent 24 years as an active duty pilot in the US Air Force, retiring in 2014. Currently, he is an airline pilot for FedEx Express. When he isn’t flying for work, they love to travel, including a 2024 trip to France with an SMC alumnae group. Most recently, their travels brought them back to South Bend and Saint Mary’s for Reunion weekend.
Loyal supporters, the Updegraffs have always found the core mission of Saint Marys to be inspiring. They firmly believe in the power of an all-women’s education and have been faithful annual donors for more than a decade to the Saint Mary's Fund, an unrestricted giving fund that supports the college's core operating budget, student financial aid, and campus facility needs.
Their support of the Saint Mary’s Fund—a significant way for them to be a part of the Ring Out Ring True campaign—is driven by a desire to ensure that future generations of students can experience the same sense of possibility that shaped her own journey. Becky often reflects on how Saint Mary's helped her develop confidence to become a better version of herself, and their trips to Saint Mary’s remind them of where it all began.
Coming from North Florida, a small, Catholic women's college in Indiana was something most of her hometown friends found foreign. Throughout her senior year of high school, she continued to consider the advantages of attending an all women's college. She fondly recalls how persistent the Admission team was. The reach to a North Florida prospective student was impressive. Becky remembers with a laugh, ‘’They called, they sent letters, they sent brochures, they had students call me and it all made a huge impression—it’s a powerful thing to be wanted. It was at that point that Saint Marys chose me. I believe that God knew where I needed to be and He relentlessly pointed me in that direction.”
In high school, Becky was a good student and involved, but it was a very small K-12 private school where it could be very difficult to bloom socially. That mindset quickly shifted when she arrived at Saint Mary’s, because, "When you find your people and feel comfortable in a place, you have also have the opportunity to become the best version of yourself.”
‘’They called, they sent letters, they sent brochures, they had students call me and it all made a huge impression—it’s a powerful thing to be wanted. It was at that point that Saint Marys chose me. I believe that God knew where I needed to be and He relentlessly pointed me in that direction.”
- Becky Radwan Updegraff ’91
In her second year, at the end of fall break—October 22, 1988, to be exact—a “meet-cute” subplot was written into Becky’s Saint Mary’s story. It was on that fall day that the University of Notre Dame’s Fighting Irish played the United States Air Force Academy’s (USAFA) Falcons, but the late-October afternoon was cold, windy, and rainy—miserable weather for a football game.
Becky hadn’t planned to attend the game, nor was she entertaining any evening post-win plans. However, a friend convinced her to enjoy a night out, so she attended a party. That’s where she met her husband, Jay.
Jay Updegraff grew up in Ohio, and attended St. Francis De Sales, an all-boys Catholic high school in Toledo. A year older than Becky, he was a Second Class Cadet at the USAFA and part of a cadre of cadets that had flown a weekend training mission to Grissom AFB, with the added benefit of cheering on their team at Notre Dame Stadium. Later at the party, Becky saw him walk through the door with some friends, confidently sought him out, and they spoke all night long—they had much in common.
When the night was over, they went their separate ways, but not before exchanging addresses. They immediately started writing to each other and by December, they had made plans to see each other over Christmas Break. Living in McCandless, “When he called, I thought someone was playing a joke on me because I really, really liked this guy,” she remembered. When she answered the phone, “Jay told me he would be in Ohio for Christmas, where a Tri-Service Academy holiday ball would take place.” By this point, Becky’s family had moved to Cincinnati, where she would be spending her holiday. Jay asked Becky if her parents would allow her to be his date. She had it all worked out: Jay would drive from Toledo to Cincinnati and back, and they would stay at his mother’s house. The plan worked. She attended the dance, and for three more years, they exchanged many letters and long distance phone calls. Jay proposed during her senior year. Becky graduated in May of 1991, they married in September, and they’ve been together ever since.
June 2026, the couple returned to Saint Mary’s for Reunion weekend, including the celebration of the public launch of the Ring Out Ring True campaign. Becky and Jay keep up with their friends on social media, though more and more, they value the importance of in-person reunions. “We have always been geographically separated from our friends and family. Whether it's high school, college, or Air Force friends, everyone is scattered”, Becky said. “Nothing can replace actually being together.”
When thinking about what she values most about Saint Mary’s, her answer is tried and true: “I value the relationships and sisterhood I share with my Saint Marys friends.” After living in a region where sororities were a priority, she reflects, “I went to a school where the whole place was a sorority. We all got along. We were all sisters working for the common good, both in and outside of the classroom,” she said.
As for her spouse, Saint Mary’s is equally important. “After attending an all-boys Catholic school, and having been a part of Becky’s Saint Mary’s experience, I am a firm believer that there should always be a choice to attend an all-men’s or all-women’s school,” said Jay. “It may not be the right choice for everyone, but it will be the right choice for someone.” Together, they hope their story inspires others to support Saint Mary’s through the Saint Mary’s Fund.
Since that late-October day in 1988, the Updegraffs have endured many ups and downs together. “We are keenly aware that no one is promised tomorrow. So, staying connected with both classmates and family is so important,” said Becky. “Take the trip, attend reunions, and keep your friends together if you can. It makes all the difference.”
August 7, 2026