Exploding Grapes

Spring 2009

 

Exploding Grapes (extended excerpt)

By Jamie Peterson

Now she had someone else’s hot breath on her neck and it was making her think of him. She did not want to react wrong again. Making the first move however was not in her repertoire. She shifted uncomfortably and the hot breath left her neck. Charlotte began to relax muscle by muscle but the weight beside her on the couch did not budge. Connor was still sitting there. Charlotte kept her eyes closed hoping that Connor would think she had fallen asleep and would become uninterested.

“Charlotte, you awake? I just want to talk.”

Charlotte opened her eyes into slits and realized he was actually a few feet away from her. She straightened her body up and faced him. She blinked a few times, smiled for encouragement and picked up her beer again.

“There is something I want to talk to you about but I don’t know how to. I have tried to tell someone this for a couple months now.”

Charlotte was hoping it was not about the other night, that was a mistake and it had not meant anything to her. She liked Connor but he was only a friend. How could she break the news to him without hurting his feelings? She could tell him the story about Aiden but she had not mentioned his name since, well over two months ago, not to anyone.

“You know how when people drink, they sometimes say or do things they normally wouldn’t do.” Charlotte just nodded.

“Well tonight is not one of those nights. I know what I’m saying and what I’m doing. I haven’t had that much to drink and I really want to tell you something.”

Here we go, Charlotte thought. She had to make a decision and fast. Getting out of the room was top priority, whatever was going to come out of Connor’s mouth she did not want to hear it and he would regret it the next day she was sure of that. Standing up Charlotte placed her hand on Connor’s shoulder.

“Hold that thought for just a second ok? I’m going to go to the bathroom.”

“And disappear like the other night? I don’t think so. I wanted to talk to you then too. I thought you would listen especially after that kiss.”

“Here, you can hold my beer. It’s not finished yet, so I’ll come back for it.

“Yea….ok. Just come back please.”

Charlotte entered the hallway and closed the door behind her. What was she going to do now? She had to go back in there but how and what would she say? Then it occurred to her not to go back in alone, bring in reinforcements. She began to search the dorm for stragglers who had not gone out yet who would come drink with her in the common room and not give Connor the chance to tell her what was on his mind.

After Charlotte had circled the entire dorm she had gathered six other girls to head back to the common room with her. Arm in arm with Maura and Shannon, they strolled back into the common room. Laughing as they walked towards the table that held the beer Charlotte averted her eyes to avoid Connor. He was still sitting on the couch nursing a beer. He had placed Charlotte’s beer on the side table next to him. Charlotte unlocked her elbows from the girls promising to be back soon to play a drinking game with them. She just needed to grab her beer. As the girls began to spread out the cards in front of them, Charlotte kept glancing over her shoulder and smiling at the girls. Hopefully, Connor would not even notice her presence as she bent over to pick up her beer. As soon as her hand hit the cool condensation on the outside of the longneck, Connor’s hand was on top of hers. Her breath was caught in her throat as she lifted her eyes to meet his. His eyes were glazed over with the indifference of someone who had drunk one too many. Charlotte shook off his hand and straightened herself up. Taking one long gulp of her beer, she looked down at Connor who was tracing the beer label with his fingertips. Charlotte was thankful for the drunken slow movements from Connor as she spun on her heel to rejoin the girls. He was unable to keep up with here right now. As she took a step forward she heard a faint whisper.

“Charlotte…. Please.”

Instead of turning around, Charlotte kept walking forward to catch up with the game that had already gotten started. They were playing on top of the pool table and Charlotte lifted her right leg to sit on the side. Some of the boys were outside on the balcony smoking and yelling to girls walking by on their way to the bars. The cool breeze filtered in through the open door and Charlotte closed her eyes for a few seconds to clear her head. Opening them she turned to search for Connor. He was gone. His beer was still on the table but his weight no longer suffocated the couch. He probably just went to the bathroom, Charlotte thought as she turned back to the game.

The game was difficult. Charlotte went through another two beers before turning back to the couch. Connor had never returned. His beer was half-empty and he had been gone for over 40 minutes. Waste not want not, was in Charlotte’s mind as she walked over to the table to pick up his beer and bring it back to the pool table. Now the girls had broken up the game and were just sitting around talking.

Charlotte realized how behind she really was in her studies. After the first two weeks had she even bothered to turn anything in? She stopped showing up to lectures but tutorials were mandatory. She had gone to those, usually hung over but she was present at least. S—, s—, s—, I have to do some work this week. I can’t go home for failing out here, which would just add to everything. As Charlotte wallowed in self-pity, a girl’s scream pierced her thoughts. It had come from the balcony. Running outside, everyone looked to where the girl stood transfixed with one hand to her mouth, the other pointing to the ground. Her knees began to shake as she fainted into a pile on the balcony. Stepping over to where the crowd was beginning to form Charlotte looked down onto the street and saw a body crumpled in unimaginable positions. The legs were bent at impossible angles, one foot was touching the chest and the other was stretched too far. The individual had one arm completely folded underneath the body. Blood was flowing thick and quickly from his head. Someone had jumped.

Collapsing against the brick exterior of the dorm, Charlotte had to remind herself to breathe. In and out, and, in and out. Looking down at her hands they were shaking violently. Placing them underneath her arms, she pulled her arms tighter around her chest encapsulated herself in a hug. Rocking back and forth rhythmically, Charlotte already knew who was lying there in the street. As everyone else rushed down the stairs, called the ambulances, began checking rooms, Charlotte was numb. Walking back over to the balcony she looked down once again at the lifeless figure and felt too familiar. The wind was beginning to pick up, sending Charlotte’s body into convulsions. Taking one step back from the balcony, she turned to cross the threshold back inside. Before she did, she turned and looked over her shoulder and whispered a solitary offering to the lost soul.

“Goodbye Connor, I’m sorry I didn’t listen.”

Tears never escaped her emerald abysses but she knew it was finally time. She had to face the past. Where would she begin? She could not picture his face now, only before. Where had this whole terrible episode been put into action? Three years ago when Aiden had finally calmed down and come back to talk about colleges was the best starting point Charlotte could think of. She walked back to her room and curled up under her covers. With her back against the wall, holding Scotty between her knees, she began to piece together the events of the past.

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